I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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