she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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