Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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