We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
