I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
