When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
