How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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