drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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