what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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