You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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