69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
