Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
