I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
