This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
