Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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