It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
