i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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