i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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