need another drink. this is the easiest way
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did i walk over a car last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
