i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
