i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
