I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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