Plan B is the new Plan A
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
