he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
