Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
