you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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