So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
