how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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