peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
