im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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