I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
