I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
