no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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