he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
