Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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