i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.