God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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