He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.