What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
