At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.