it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"