Pappa wants mamma naked
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
