All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.