I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol