I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.