@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship