Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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