i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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