Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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