I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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