Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
