we have pet lesbian snakes
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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