Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
