hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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