It's Friday. Sex?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
