i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
