you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
