but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
