I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just pee around me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize