nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
