You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
