my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
