Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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