party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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