Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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