we made out on top of his cat.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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