so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think your dad took our porno
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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