i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
