There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
