Define "chronic" masturbator.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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