I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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