i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
