I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
why is half of my head shaved?
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