Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
