Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
