My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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