Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
