It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
